25 Things You Might Not Know About Me

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Ish Mom Meme
An apt analogy
  1. I was a chubby kid and a fat young woman. For better and for worse, whether it should have or should not have, that experience has informed a large part of my adult personality.
  2. We kept a baby raccoon as a pet when I was little and I remember carrying it around on my back. The raccoon knew to not scratch my skin. This led me to believe that all raccoons are more pet-like than they really are. I petted one in a trashcan once (I was in my mid-twenties, AT LEAST). My best friend about had a heart attack. The ride home involved a long talk about not petting raccoons I find in a trashcan.
  3. Motherhood bought the inevitable rites of passage: sleep deprivation, body changes, blah blah; but I also fell suddenly and irreversibly in love with letters painted on rustic-looking wooden signs. I dunno, man. We’re leaving the hospital after Big A is born and I see one of those god-awful Live Laugh Love slogans painted on what I’m supposed to think is a window shutter from an 1840’s farmhouse and I practically crash in my veer to the gift shop. I care about Hobby Lobby now.
  4. I got married in the library in which I met my husband (we worked there), only the previously mentioned ordained best friend and Big A in attendance.
  5. I can keep anyone’s secrets but my own, so pulling this off was kind of a big deal.

    Ish Mom
    Morphine. It’s a helluva drug.
  6. My favorite living author is Joyce Carol Oates. My second favorite used to be John Irving, but he disappoints me with age.
  7. I was really into Jewel in middle school. I even had my mom drive me to Barnes and Noble when her book of poems came out. I was sooooo disappointed.
  8. If you’re in a group of thirty-something women long enough for the inevitable “Which Sex And The City Character Are You?” conversation to take place: Why would you choose Carrie? Carrie is such a jerk.
  9. I haven’t spoken to my father since October 2016. He has never met our children. I feel raw about this sometimes, but not enough to allow the chaos that would entail allowing him into our lives.
  10. I like questions. Asking them, answering them, formulating them. I always have. Growing up my mom and sister would preface things they would tell me with “you can ask four questions about this.” I have a tab under my contact section, “Ask Ish Mom” where people can ask questions/get advice. It’s always good to get an outsider’s perspective, isn’t it? And that’s what I’m essentially doing to you guys with every post, so, it’s only fair. I just want to talk to everyone. And I genuinely don’t know how to talk to others without questions.
  11. I had somehow gotten the impression that the “Hidden Drives” sign that you see on country roads referred to the road itself I was on as opposed to the driveways on the sides of the road that could be hidden by tree branches, etc. I got a flat tire in my mid-twenties and had to pull over on one of these “hidden drives.” I tearfully called some friends to come get me. Once we were back on campus I said, “thank you, I don’t even know how you found me; I wasn’t on the map,” and they were finally, like, “wait…what do you mean, you weren’t on the map?!” I explained what I thought “hidden drives” were. They laughed and laughed as they compared other times they now realized I’d been referring to these magical roads.
  12. Most summers growing up my paternal grandparents took me on vacation with them. My grandma would have me navigate, call for reservations, check in at airport counters, deal with rental car employees, etc. She didn’t care if I was seven or seventeen. I am so, so, so grateful for that training now (it’s not like she couldn’t do it, they traveled all the time). Way to think ahead, Grandma.

    1000 Books Before Kindergarten Ish Mom
    Working hard to raise little bibliophiles. Love the 1000 Books Before Kindergarten Program.
  13. A woman at Wal-Mart thought I was trying to practice the Ferber method on my youngest in the produce section (I wasn’t. I was trying to get my red cabbage and get to a less crowded aisle to attend to my crying infant) and yelled at me about it, finally screeching “You better not ignore me!” as we slunk away. If I ever see that woman again I will yell at her.
  14. I have been on an ultra-conservative, evangelical Christian, “off-the-grid” compound. In Appalachia. For a wedding. It was as bizarre as you think it was.
  15. Synchronized dancing (like flashmobs, Feist’s 1,2,3,4, or Glee shenanigans) makes me tear up a little.
  16. I began dabbling in veganism when I was twenty-nine because of the book Skinny Bitch. While the section detailing what animals go through in the slaughterhouses was sad; I’m the daughter of a beef farmer, so it wasn’t as catastrophic an impact as the authors were hoping. But when they started the next section with, “So, you’re vegan, now,” by God I was. Or, at least, well on my way. I just wanted to start my third decade as healthily as I possibly could.
  17. Except, I still smoked. I only quit when I was pregnant with Big A. I vape now, so I don’t pat myself on the back too hard. Someone’s orally fixated.
  18. I majored in psychology in college and took an interest in social psychology especially. Pro tip: few really want to know why we do the things we do.
  19. I’ve sang a lot of karaoke.
  20. I’m a speed reader. It’s like a super power.
  21. My maternal grandparents ran/lived in a funeral home (imagine the movie My Girl). Never knowing when the house needed to be “funeral ready,” it was immaculately kept. Now we’re all neurotically clean. That funeral home burnt to the ground when my mother was twelve, ultimately proving it doesn’t matter in the end anyway.

    Ish Mom
    I like Snapchat filters more than I should.
  22. Some of my favorite TV shows: 30 Rock, Weeds, I Love Lucy, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Family Guy, UnREAL, Real Housewives of Freakin’ Anywhere, Veronica Mars, Robot Chicken, Parks and Rec, Kimmie, Glow, Law and Order: SVU, Futurama, Glee (early seasons), OITNB, Ozarks, The Good Place, KUWTK, Arrested Development, Parenthood, Handsmaid’s Tale, House of Cards
  23. I despise onions, mushrooms, peppers, lettuce on sandwiches, raw tomatoes, egg plant, cold salads (like potato or “vegan tuna” or something), and seeing actual vegetables in my fake meat burgers. This can make veganism more difficult.
  24. I don’t care what Taylor Swift does. I love her.
  25. I have freakishly small ears.

    Ish Mom Meme
    I warned you
Megan

Megan

Megan writes everything on Ish Mom. She lives in the Midwest with her wonderful husband, three boys, and a bunch of corn. She’s a voracious reader and a life-long recipient of questioning looks.
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Tell me what you think!

2 Responses

  1. Bwahaaahaaa…. I see your eggplant & veggie showin’ meatless burgers… & raise you “hot” salads, like hot tuna (oh em gee that sounds horrible lol). I can’t stand it especially with pasta or rice. Everything else you hate is essentially my garden lol.

    *THUNK*

    … I just fell off my chair, and hit my head twice because I’m dying of laughter…. SO- it seems that um. Well, I’m NOT THE ONLY ONE who thought I had magical powers, and could see magical roads. Seriously. So if you ever saw the younger me first pumping in the back seat after passing a road sign, don’t worry, it was just me being happy I still wasn’t a muggle.

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