Have you ever put your foot in your mouth? Yeah? Haven’t we all. Ever done it live, on the radio? That’s what I thought.
If you’d like to expose a large group of people to a crass gaffe, the radio is the place to do it. Now, sit back and let me tell you about the time I went on a local radio show and made an ass out of myself.
The Setting
Where: A radio station
When: Summer ’21
Who:
- Me, a radio personality in my head
- Actual radio personalities
- Hypothetical angry mob
Why (In Actuality): I’d been invited to do a segment on a local radio station, on behalf of a local organization (that detail is important), to publicize a fundraising event.
Why (According to my Ego): I’d been invited to do a segment on a local radio station, on behalf of being the most awesome, engaging person ever, in order to publicize Ish Mom and my general coolness.
What Happened
Pert and good-humored, I spoke directly into the microphone, giving details about the event and the importance of funding the non-profit. It went great. Flowers all around. They laughed, I laughed; banter abounded.
That’s when I should have left.
But I’m an opportunistic little fool.
I Never Know When To Stop
“Oh, man, I really wanted to talk about Ish Mom. Can I stay and do that?”
I led with my coining of the phrase and my practice of Non-Reactive Parenting, and when attempting to describe the detachment needed to not react, I uttered a very unfortunate phrase:
“Well, listen, radio personality, kids are trash.”
I meant this as a joke, and the other people in the studio knew that because they could see my face. My sparkling eyes, the mischievous smile. (We’ll get back to the importance of this point.)
When their laughter subsided, I went on to say something like:
“No, it’s just that kids don’t have fully-formed brains, it’s useless to argue with, or focus on them. That’s why Non-Reactive Parenting focuses on adults and their behavior. I can help people with fully developed brains better, hahaha.”
The Email
I went home. Didn’t think another thing about it (except to congratulate myself, of course).
But, lurking in my inbox was a missive stating that everyone was Very Mad at me. Everyone heard me, representing the organization, speaking ill of children. So I needed to resign from the board. Like, yesterday.
I responded with my first impression (I would not do that again), basically saying, “What?? Nooo lol.” I wrote that I did not want to resign, and could I speak to the Upset People?
They said that they would think/vote about it; and that I was not allowed to attend an upcoming meeting, contact anyone in the organization, or even know who the Upset People were. I could write a letter of apology addressed to…seemingly everyone.
The Apology
I can’t remember exactly what I said, but it was penitent and sincere. Something about it being an inappropriate joke and how I was changing the chapter in my Non-Reactive Parenting book titled “Kids Are Trash.”
I was informed the next day (via text) that a vote was held, and I was officially off the board.
I decided my family would no longer participate in the program, or be involved their events, etc.
Where I Went Wrong
Mistakes were made, mostly by me.
Wrong Role(s)
Let’s start with my roles during the radio appearance. I should only have spoken as a participant in the upcoming event and cheerleader for the organization. There was no need to talk about being a board member.
And it was absolutely inappropriate for me to talk in the capacity of, or attempt to promote, Ish Mom.
Wrong Place
And listen, I don’t feel bad about what I said.
It. Was. A. Joke. (And I am a Comedian? Don’t answer that.)
But it was a joke better made in my Stories (where people are familiar with me), or in an article (long enough of a form for me to explain the joke and better guide the landing). Anywhere but on a platform that wasn’t mine.
Wrong Time
I was there to promote an event, period.
What I Learned
Audience Matters (Lovingly)
It never, ever crossed my mind that listeners wouldn’t understand “kids are trash” is meme-speak. And meme-speak is obviously a joke.
But of course they didn’t! It was a wider audience made up of all ages and backgrounds!
Busting out that joke on a radio morning show, in a slot that doesn’t have anything to do with me personally, is like walking into a stranger’s holiday party and wondering why your favorite dip isn’t there.
And then not understanding why the hosts are so mad when you go in their kitchen and make it yourself.
Guess Vs. Ask Culture
Communication style differences made a bad situation worse: Guess vs. Ask Culture strikes again. (Story of my life, man.)
Very simply, the difference between Guess Culture and Ask Culture is how each camp seeks information/connection, approaches difficult conversations, and feels about direct communication.
Guess Culture considers direct questions/answers rude and disquieting, seeks information/connection subtly, and would rather difficult conversations be mediated. Ask Culture finds direct questions/answers helpful, “beat-around-the-bush” communication styles frustrating, and prefers difficult conversations be face-to-face.
Guess which kind I am? Right. Therefore, in conflict, face-to-face interactions are both essential and easier for me, even if (especially if) the conversations are difficult, uncomfortable, or confrontational.
Conclusion
And that’s how a partnership that made sense was forever altered.
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Happy blundering!
Love,
